he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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