OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
