I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
