I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
