i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
