I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My penis needs a shock collar
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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