normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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