Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
