she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
