If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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