Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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