I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
