I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize