Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
