Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
