Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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