did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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