We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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