Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
