: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize