My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
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Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
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his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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