i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
