drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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