Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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