i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize