Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
