I cockslap morals
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
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Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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