You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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