im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
