If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
