I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
