I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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