Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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