Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
