I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
