Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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