You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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