i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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