I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
