He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you will always have a special place in my vag
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
