i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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