90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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