I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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