I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
