is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
