I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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