He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
