I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
