she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
