You just made me feel so damn special
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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