The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
