Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I touched a dick in church today
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