yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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