YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
handjob tips. give me some.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
