But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?