Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
