P.S. I can't hear my feet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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