There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
