The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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