Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
