Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
