We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
